Last night’s BBC documentary Abused: Breaking the Silence made distressing viewing for all those who watched it.
The programme featured victims of sexual and physical abuse at the hands of four Rosminian priests at two boarding schools in the 1960s.
The courage and quiet dignity of the victims as they described the abuse they suffered and the life-long effect the abuse has had on them, has brought the issue of child abuse, not just in the Catholic Church, but in society generally, back into the open, reinforcing yet again, how serious and widespread is this problem. Research carried out by David Finkelhor at the University of New Hampshire reported that a staggering 27% of women and 16% of men surveyed confirmed that they had suffered sexual abuse.
The BBC documentary and recent articles published in connection with it have drawn attention, in particular, to the sense of betrayal experienced by the victims when the Rosminians held a memorial Mass for one of the abusers, Fr Kit Cunningham, in the knowledge of the abuse perpetrated by him. During the service Fr Cunningham’s virtues were extolled without any reference to the abuse he carried out and the serious harm caused to his victims. This sense of cover-up, the dark secret that cannot be talked about and the lack of acknowledgement is a common feature in sexual abuse and contributes greatly to the deep-felt sense of shame and the on-going suffering of the victims. How many times is exactly this dynamic repeated within families where abuse has occurred? How many times did another adult or person in authority have an inkling that something was going on, but failed to act to protect the child? How many secret perpetrators are seen by their victims to be held in high standing by their friends, family and colleagues, and what effect does this have on their victims who continue to live with the effects of the abuse years later?
During the documentary the victims talked about the depression, suicidal thoughts, fear, profound loneliness and isolation and the breakdown in relationships suffered as a result of the abuse. As one victim described it, he was “broken” by what happened to him.
These are but some of the symptoms experienced by victims of abuse. Others may experience symptoms such as dissociation, acute anxiety, numerous physical ailments, irritability, outbursts of anger, drug or alcohol addiction, self-harm or a compulsion to work excessive hours or to exercise excessively.
This leads to the question posed by the programme: what will it take to repair the damage and for the victims to feel able to move on?
The first step towards healing that we see in the documentary occurs when the victims realise they were not the only one to be abused. They slowly and cautiously started to share their experiences. When ready, they wrote as objective an account as they were able – they named and described what actually took place. This is a very important step. They then, as the title of the documentary, Abused: breaking the silence, highlights, broke their years of silence and reported the abuse. This was responded to promptly by the head of the Rosminian Order who expressed his horror at what had occurred and immediately took steps to respond and address the situation, including flying the victims who were ready for it to the UK to encounter their abusers.
Negotiations with the Rosminians, initially handled quite well, broke down at about the time of Fr Cunningham’s death. It was not just the memorial service and glowing obituaries, but also the feeling that for many of the victims the letters of apology, whilst a good start, did not go far enough. For there to be healing more was required of the process.
For the victims, the situation was compounded by the failure in practice for the Rosminians to live up to the hope engendered by Pope Benedict’s visit to the UK in 2010 and his strong message on the need for repentance by the Church for the sexual and physical abuse of children. So difficult are the issues raised by abuse for those that then learn of it, that still today the Church and society as a whole still struggles to respond adequately. It remains a work in progress for us all.
According to the documentary, the victims are now seeking compensation by legal means – reparation for all they have suffered. Reparation (“the action of making amends for a wrong one has done”, “the action of repairing something” (Oxford Dictionaries)), too, plays a part in forgiveness and healing, so it is regrettable that this could not be achieved without resort to legal means.
In the meantime, the head of the Rosminian Order in the UK has issued a statement apologising without reservation for the abuse and acknowledging the inadequate response of the Rosminian Order. We will need to wait and see what further steps the Rosminians now take.
For those who belong to the church or to families where abuse has taken place, there is a feeling of contamination and of collective guilt. How should we respond? If we expect the perpetrator to take responsibility for what he or she has done, what is ours? Sexual and physical abuse, wherever it occurs, is a problem for us all. This is a call for change that we cannot ignore.
And so: Is it possible to experience healing when you have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused? Is it possible to forgive? Are these things possible when the perpetrator is dead or denies what happened? If you were a perpetrator, is it possible for you to find forgiveness for what you did?
I believe that the answer to all these questions is “yes”, but there is no quick or easy solution. The processes of healing, of repentance and of forgiveness all take time, courage and effort. These are organic processes to which there are no short cuts. It is a long journey and a painful one, but not a journey without reward. Suffering, when we enter into its meaning, can be a profound transformative experience. Our roots reach deep into the darkness of our shared humanity, but deep roots allow the branches to reach up to the heavens. We cannot put the clock back or ever forget what happened to us, but we can come to terms with it, experience healing and acceptance, leave it in the past and live in the present with an openness to the possibilities of the future. It is possible to get your life back. The journey is worthwhile.
To those who have suffered abuse but never spoken of it to anyone, why not take the first step today and contact a psychotherapist? To those who have tried psychotherapy or some other means to search for healing, but without success, why not try again? Find the right person with whom to journey.
When a person is sexually, emotionally or physically abused the abuse is experienced not just emotionally and cognitively, but also in the body and spiritually. For deep healing to take place the whole of our being needs to be engaged in the process. If you would like help with finding a suitable psychotherapist, please contact me in total confidence.
For more information on trauma, sensorimotor psychotherapy and links to useful websites click here. For information on the archetypal, symbolic and spiritual approach of Jungian analysis click here.
Finally, in response to Abused: Breaking the Silence The National Catholic Safeguarding Commission has just issued the following statement:
“The National Safeguarding Commission acknowledge with deep concern and regret the hurt and damage caused to so many by certain members of the Rosminian Congregation. We would want to encourage victims of any form of abuse from within the Church to come forward and seek to have their stories heard and understood.
The Order is now working to ensure their safeguarding practices are fully in line with the Church’s policies and procedures.”
Contact details may be found on the NCSC’s website.
